Why Shibari?
When describing what the experience of shibari may be, one should be cautious not to confine it to any one idea or philosophy. There’s a risk of creating expectations in a realm that really has too many possibilities to try to define what the experience may hold, or why one may chose to participate. I must admit that I myself was really in the dark of how expansive shibari could be before I began experiencing it myself, both as someone being tied, and as a “rigger”, the general term for someone who does the tying. Let’s take a look at some of the reasons people are attracted to rope play, keeping in mind that each experience may reveal new layers of ones personal relationship both with themself and the practice of shibari.
Very Important
Please understand that all topics below must assume that boundaries are agreed upon prior to the session and that it is the responsibility of both parties to honor those boundaries, and communicate immediately if the boundaries change in the moment, or if there are areas of uncertainty in how to proceed. The power dynamics are an illusion and are immediately returned to neutral space the moment someone communicates such a need. Ultimately, the person being tied is in complete control up to the capacity of which they communicate.
Key Terms
Sensual
- relating to the senses. Sensuality does not imply sexual or erotic atmospheres.
Intimacy
- the closeness and vulnerability experienced between the people engaged in shibari. Intimacy does not imply sexual or erotic atmospheres.
Power Dynamics
The most obvious observation in ropes is the defined power dynamics that occur between rigger and subject. The consensual exchange of power creates a space where the person being tied may be free of making decisions and is taken on a journey by the rigger. The spectrum of play may range from soft, sensual, casual to the realms of sado-masochism and pain sport. Each person has unique tastes and unique curiosity about what they want from the power exchange. Ultimately it brings a sense of being able to let go completely. Many people who are in daily power roles in their jobs or relationships crave experiencing surrender of that control to another person and cherish the effects it has on their mind space and body awareness. Other people tend to prefer a general submissive state and find shibari and BDSM to be a deeper outlet for such an experience. In whatever role a person finds themself in daily life, it is generally agreed that the letting go of control in the ropes creates a pleasurable after effect and may lead to more conscious awareness to how their power roles play out in day to day life.
Comfort Zone / Endurance Play
Who doesn’t love a good challenge once in a while? Many people come to shibari to explore the hidden places of their psyche that reside at the edges of their comfort zones. In this sense, can group shibari with other forms of expansive practices such as yoga, long meditations, adrenaline sports, and primitive right of passage rituals such as fasting rituals, plant medicine ceremonies, or scarification. Humanity’s capacity for boldly facing its fears and discomforts, whether physical or psychological, is a curious and unique attribute of humankind. We seem compelled to want to understand who were are when the limits are pushed and most would attribute these practices as ones that build a strength of character and self confidence. Shibari is certainly a powerful tool for self discovery and development for those who are emotionally responsible enough to take the journey.
Art and Aesthetic
To many, the human body, enveloped in ropes that may appear methodical or chaotic, is an attractive sight. Most would agree that at its core, shibari is a provocative sight to see. Like any art worthy of attention, it conjures a wide spectrum of reactions for the beholder. The technical art form itself deserves respect for the care and attention given to patterns and designs which are possible. Skill levels require much attention and countless hours of practice. Some riggers may tie a person in a way that they are not bound in any way, but as a form of ropey and kinky fashion. Others may appreciate the appeal of the fierce courage and strength of those tied and contorted in a shape that make some uncomfortable just to see it. The shibari artists pay attention to details such as location and other props to accentuate the visual production, often captured in collaboration with skilled photographers. As well, the eyes play an important part in may peoples erotic appetites and may conjure fantasies of ultimate sensual gratification, either as the powerful dominant wanting ultimate control or the willing submissive who desires to be taken wholly.
Eroticism and Kink
It is noted that in its place of origin, Japan, shibari evolved from ways of imprisonment and punishment that may cause deep cultural shame, such as exposing a persons belly, armpits, or genitals. Certainly many horrific and violating acts were performed in conjunction with shibari. In more modern history, shibari began to evolve into erotic fetishism, which Japan also has a deep history of boldly exploring. Consensual sexual and erotic role-play in shibari is a healthy way of exploring beyond one’s inhibitions. Implied sexuality, erotic teasing, withholding, bodily exposure are certainly explored by some in the ropes. Other use ropes and bondage as part of their full-on sexual engagement. While not overtly sexual, other erotic themes are often present in shibari and BDSM; bodily contact, compression, hair pulling, scratching, biting, choking, and licking may all be negotiated in a shibari scene. Even without any sexual contact, the varied expressions such as the breath, the squeals and exclamations, the laughter and intensity all fall under the same domain that classic sexual expression brings.
Personal Development
and "Healing"
I think its important to note that coming to shibari with the sole intention of “healing” or personal development is a slippery slope. I personally am not interested in presenting shibari as a healing modality. I also can not deny my own personal experiences and those of others who found something extremely valuable in the ropes. Firstly, its hard to define exactly what is healing vs. what is a cathartic experience. Secondly, both many riggers and traumatized people are lacking the emotional self awareness and self responsibility to properly handle a re-traumatizing event. It’s an all too common experience that a rigger will find themselves being accused of abuse or violence for doing the same thing that so many others may have personally enjoyed and encouraged more of. We can never know what will set off a trauma memory, whether conscious or not. Abuse implies intent. Ignorance and accidents are real. That being said, shibari and BDSM offer great opportunities for one to become aware of and be empowered with a sense of boundaries and personal accountability. Shibari offers a space for participants to communicate on a level more vulnerable than most daily interactions do. It can strip away social norms of engagement and intimacy between friends, allowing for deeper connections and levels of trust. The somatic experience may allow the nervous system to dispel deep codes and tensions that have been held for very long.The foundation of all these personal developments is clear and effective communication. This skill must be developed for its benefits to be effective. Unfortunately too many people have little to no sense of their own desires, needs, and boundaries as society does little to empower autonomy and righteous self expression. It could easily be argued that modern society has left most of us uninformed and traumatized when it comes to authentic expression and bodily autonomy. It’s paramount that one be truly honest with themselves as to why they are coming to shibari and communicate it with their rigger. It’s perfectly ok to want to better yourself and its perfectly ok to know you have past traumas that may want to be deeply engaged. However, it absolutely must be discussed with the rigger so that they can decide whether they are willing to engage and have the capacity to handle events as they play out. An informed rigger with specific training may be a valuable mentor in guiding communication and boundary maintenance but ultimately the responsibility resides in the person being tied to deal with the challenges that may come up. If you know you have experienced trauma, particularly one in which power dynamics were beyond your control, then before going to shibari you should be seeking professional therapy with someone trained specifically in trauma rehabilitation. Together with your therapist you can decide if shibari fits your psychological risk profile. Discuss as well the steps to be taken if re-traumatization occurs. Knowing risks and having a plan of action is a part of self responsibility, empowerment and, ultimately, recovery.